When is it too late to send a thank you note? Asking for a friend.
Okay that friend is me.
For weddings, Emily Post has this to say about timing but long story short it is advised that they’re to be sent off within three months of the reception, not a year like some wishful thinkers say. For everyday life and other gifts or events, like a birthdays and showers, I’ve seen a range of two weeks to a month. I find this Southern Living resource especially helpful with some Do’s and Dont’s.
I can remember my mom writing thank you notes with me as far back as kindergarten starting with some of those cute little “fill-in-the-blank” options. As I grew up, the expectation to send off a note for each gift and special experience stayed with me. My stationary evolved and eventually Mom bought me “the good stuff” at Crane. I’ve been chasing those 100% cotton dreams ever since, and while sometimes I splurge, I keep my desk stocked with a variety of paper goods so that no matter what, I can be ready to send out a note.
How I Write My Thank You Notes
Do it right away.
Ok I need to fess up that I was inspired to write this post after realizing I was 2 months behind on a note. Usually though I try to send my notes out as quickly as I can. At the heart of a thank you note is the practicality of ensuring the gift giver knows their present was received, so at least in my case I’d thanked them over the phone. If someone sends me something from a far, or leaves a treat on my doorstep, I call, text, or email to let them know immediately their gift has safely arrived but most of the time, I still do a formal thank you note.
Follow a formula.
After years of thank you notes, and now that I am teaching Margaret to write them as well, I realized I follow a basic formula.
- Salutation: Dear so-and-so,
- Warm Introduction: Somewhere along the line it was drilled into me to avoid starting your note with “thank you”. Whether this is an essential or official piece of advice or not, I don’t know, but it is usually how I approach my notes.
- Specific Thank You: Talk about the gift and how you intend to enjoy it. If it’s a cash or gift card amount I don’t mention the value.
- Look To The Future: Include a tidbit that indicates the next time you’ll be together, or your plans for gift if you didn’t already do so.
- Sign Off: I usually put Love but when in doubt Warmly, or Sincerely will do it!
Example: It was so great to spend time together on Saturday, our lunch was a treat and I am glad we finally got to try Cafe Delish. You are so thoughtful to go out of your way to celebrate with me on my birthday. You know how much I enjoy a great pair of statement earrings! I am already thinking of places to wear them and hopefully one such place will be at our next get-together! Love, Grace
Enjoy it.
Practicing gratitude has scientifically studied health benefits. If you’re in the mood to nerd out a bit, this 2018 white paper on the topic from U.C. Berkely is super interesting. Take this task as not just a chore but an opportunity to meditate on this person – this connection in your life and the fact that they took the time to do something special and quite literally “note-worthy” for you. Even though my notes often follow a formula, I don’t mean that these are notes are sterile or prescribed. If you’re writing a note to the best of friends, the kind who knows you in and out, liven it up – let “you” come through! Thank you notes may be on to your “to -do” list but you have the choice not to approach them as if they are a chore. The most special notes to me are the ones through which I can hear my loved one’s voice because they clearly took the time to be sincere and thoughtful in their delivery.
When in doubt, send it out.
There have been times when I wasn’t sure I’d sent a note and so I sent another. In that case my “Warm Greeting” was something like, “ you may be getting twice the thank you notes from me because while I could’ve sworn I sent you one, I am momentarily questioning that reality and in any case the beautiful Lilly Pulitzer coffee table book was so thoughtful it deserves two thank you notes! …..”
OR
If you think perhaps the gift or gesture was so small that a note may be overkill – who cares? I guarantee a handwritten note in any instance will be thoroughly appreciated.
Give yourself a break.
I say this for two reasons. First, especially when it is for a large event like a wedding, or while you’re expecting, sometimes things happen. You write the address incorrectly, for instance. Or despite your best efforts and most organized spreadsheet you forget to send a note. It happens! If you catch it, then wonderful – fix it as soon as you can. Second, there are times you just can’t get to the notes and I won’t list the variety of circumstances here but we can surmise that during some of life’s toughest challenges getting handwritten notes out can’t happen and chances are the people in your life, the ones you’d be acknowledging, they’ll get that. I am not saying to throw decency into the trash and abandon all manners for the slightest inconvenience, but you know what I mean- give yourself a break.
Don’t Expect Them.
As much as I enjoy sending thank you notes I realize that not everyone does it and it doesn’t make them an ungrateful monster. Sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes people just don’t know to send a note in the first place. Assuming I know somehow that the person in question has received the gift, then I don’t wait around thinking about a note literally ever – at all. Then if a note arrives it is a sweet surprise.
Stationery Favorites
American Stationery- My tried and true workhorse is American Stationery. They usually have a coupon and you can get simple embossed monograms or fun printed ones with interesting liners.
Crane – A classic, high-end choice where you’ll never go wrong. Thank you to my mom who allowed 17 year old me to choose a bright chartreuse monogram and liner – I feel like that pop of color made writing notes more fun!
Over The Moon – I ordered a custom crest for a baby shower invite and my genius friend decided to turn it into her son’s stationary! They even have a print of it framed in his room. I’m hoping to do this for our girls, or do a fun twist on a family crest!
Shannon Kirsten – I picked up a couple beautiful cards with her designs and couldn’t get over how perfect they were. She has a little bit of everything so when you need to send an extra special note, you’ll for sure find something of hers!
Katie Corley Art– I just received our Halloween tags today and I can’t tell you how fun it is to have sweet tags like this that I can just grab and put on for little gifts throughout October. We use her enclosure cards and tags for a small notes and gestures- and you can do custom stationary or even fill in the blank ones for your littles.
I store cards of all kinds in this container. I have spilled over into two boxes because stationary is my weakness, but it makes my hoarding look more organized!
For occasions big and small, I hope you find the time to write a note. How lucky to be loved and celebrated and to have the opportunity to show that special person gratitude.
